Over and over again

How many times do I have to say that I love Honey and Clover? I’m currently on a break from school and I find myself, instead of finishing my thesis, watching H+C all over again. As we know, the first episode of season II is just a recap of season I yet there were words from the wise Takemoto that hit home to me.

I am in my final year (final semester, to be more specific) in college, and just like Takemoto, I couldn’t stop questioning my worth. As he was pedaling his way to the top of Japan, he was telling himself that he was afraid. Afraid of not knowing what to do with his life. Afraid of what may happen in the future. Afraid of the future itself.

I want to be a doctor. (forgive my random introductions)

But I’m still on the stage where I’m not sure whether this revelation happened on a whim or an effect of accumulating realizations. Let’s face it and I have to be completely honest about this, with the degree that I will finish (no, it’s not a medical course), I don’t know where I might end up. I don’t know what life holds for me after graduation. I thought to myself that the most practical way of helping others is to be a doctor and lately, I have resolved to become just that. But the path to becoming a doctor (and a good one, mind you) is never too easy. The stress it will inflict on me and my parents’ pockets will be huge. Hagu’s words can’t seem to get out of my head every time I think of becoming a physician: “What’s the significance of the path I have to choose at the expense of somebody else’s life?”

My dignity was decimated back in my final year in high school because I was told that I can never be successful beyond my lame mathematical and scientific abilities. I feel as though, compared to my present mental status, my mind was not functioning to a more acceptable cognitive degree and I was too naive to even consider that there was anything in store for me outside my pedestrian writing skills.

I’m struggling to pursue the career that I want yet I’m wondering if I am too selfish in doing so. On the issue of Hagu choosing Shuu over Morita, Mayama had this to say, “It’s not an act of selfishness either.” So what’s my stand?

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