I apologize if this post has nothing to do with either anime or books but I just feel as though I have to let this out, otherwise it will get caught up in my mind’s abyss of crap.
I am seriously looking for enlightenment. I feel as though it’s too elusive that I might never get my hands on it ever — or I guess I’m just too blind to decipher anything that patently presents itself to me. You see, the feared graduation day had finally passed so you can now call me Ms. Officially-Unemployed-and-Unable-to-Do-Anything-because-of-No-Enlightenment. I thought by now I would already have set out my concrete plans yet I am still as stupid, lazy, and skinny as always; I just don’t know what to do with my life. You have no idea how much that statement is stressed out, my pedestrian writing is not enough to give it justice. My friend actually said it for me, “You don’t know what you want, you only know what you don’t want,” it says so much of my pessimism that I guess might affect my entire ways (or already has :s). Earlier today, I was once again reminded of my being a Schopenhauer believer when I stared into my glass of soda and thought it to be half-empty. I try to be more sanguine but I guess I have imbibed this negative approach to brace myself for the worse (or worst) things that may happen…I seriously want to pursue medicine but I my qualms are just too prevalent; I don’t think I have enough juice in my brain to last me my entire path to becoming a good doctor. Oh Lord, I need a little inspiration. Better yet, give me a vivisecting perspective so I could pursue the scattered symbols.
Again, I apologize for bringing up this personal problematic.